Colorado mother gives newborn amazing creative name

BOULDER, CO- In a stroke of linguistic brilliance, Boulder mother Tracy Potts decided to name her newborn son Kaieydein, making her the harbinger of the future of American culture.

"At first I thought it was just, Caden, and I was about to write it down, you know, C-A-D-E-N, but then I remembered I'm supposed to ask the mother how she wanted to spell it. So I did," said Jackie Phellps, the attending nurse at Potts' delivery.

Apparently, Potts had other plans. "Well, I don't really remember what really happened to be honest, all that morphine and nitrous. All I do remember is not being sure which way I wanted to spell it. 'Cause there's like C-A-D-E-N, or K-A-I-D-E-N, or K-A-Y-D-E-N, just so many ways."

For privacy purposes, Kaiedein was not photographed.

In her opiate-induced stupor, Potts stumbled across the greatest breakthrough in nomenclature since the mid to late-1800s when people began thinking outside the box and stopped naming their kids the same thing for a few dozen generations before moving on to a different Biblical figure. "Things like this just don't happen every day. As a linguist with a Ph. D. in American nomenclature, you can only dream that something like this can happen within your lifetime.

"This will definitely be a boon for the linguistics department. Nothing has spiked interest in baby names like this since the 80's when women decided all the sudden they wanted to name their baby girls something as androgynous as possible, like Bobby." said Dr. Thomas Miller, head of the University of Pennsylvania Linguistics department. Dr. Miller also stated he is planning on making this a last-minute addition to his upcoming linguistics and naming text, Spelling is for Dweebs- The American Way of Doing Stuff Like Naming Your Kids and Cheating in Scrabble.

Yet not every sociocultural advancement is without its detractors. "That's just dumb," said 22 year-old college junior Trent Blackfoot. "He'll probably just end up getting made fun of his whole life."

"What is important to understand about children who get made fun of, is nine out of ten times, it is out of jealousy," says Psychiatrist George Livingston. "It will certainly be hard growing up around children whose lack of parental genius is made obvious by the conventional spellings of their names, but eventually the children will learn to appreciate and accept Kaieydein as the product of unbridled brilliance without seeing him as a threat."

Potts says she has big plans for Kaieydein, like somehow explaining why his name fails to follow the most basic rules of spelling, but for now she says she's just going to focus on loving him for who he is. "I can't really remember how his name is spelled, but it's written on his wrist band. But I guess I love him anyway or something" •



Tyler McCord is the Editor-in-Chief of A Creatively Titled Blog.

Global Warming and the pride of scientists

This post is not about how global warming exists, or how global warming doesn't exist. This post is about how the issue of global warming has shamelessly displayed the hubris of the scientific community.

Recently we've been hearing with increasing frequency about how global warming is causing climate change, and how it's displacing millions with drought, hurricanes, etc. What the scientific community has entirely ignored is the fact that our planet is alive. Historians, anthropologists, geologists, biologists, and meteorologists all will passionately attest to Earth's dynamic nature. Yet when we actually witness Earth changing, we soil our pants with worry that we've somehow put a dent in the fragile, tender haven of life that is our Earth.

Baloney.

99% of species to ever exist are extinct. Why? Earth is dynamic. It changes every time you blink. Sea levels rise and fall, glaciers melt and freeze, continents drift apart and collide , carbon cycles are altered, and life just goes on its merry way in spite of it. Any scientist worth his BS (pun intended) will wholeheartedly agree to this. Yet at the first sign of a changing ecosystem, all is lost! Mankind has destroyed Mother Earth from whence he came!

Chill out guys. First off, we're not even sure the climate is changing at all. Second, we're not even sure if this only-probably-existent change is our fault. Third, even if this is our fault, we're only speeding up the inevitable change in climate that results from living on a living planet. On a dime Mother Nature has decided to pump out many times the CO2 we could ever hope to emit in the whole Era of Man in an instant- through volcanoes (obligatory dramatic supervolcano pic to the left). She has done it many times. And guess what? The whole planet is flourishing with life.

So now back to my point about the scientific community being excessively prideful. It is only hubris before Science and nature that would lead to such a universal consensus that mankind is soooo powerful as to even be able to dent the world's ecosystem, and that is what's causing so much suffering. Newsflash, guys- catastrophe is the story of life. Catastrophe is life, and it's been that way since the very first bacteria started wiggling around (or since Adam and Eve partook of the Forbidden Fruit, if you're feeling fundamental).

Are we really so prideful that we think we are free from famine, drought, and flood and that we the mighty Homo sapien is the only entity powerful enough to cause such suffering? Are we so arrogant that we think spitting out a few bits of CO2 can stop life from thriving? Yes, it will make ice caps melt, coral reefs become barren, shorelines change, and people become displaced. This is nothing new. We as a species are guilty of supreme hubris in thinking that the dubious effects of our proliferation are anything more than a hiccup in the cycle of life.

I decided to keep it broad this time around for fear of making it too long and boring. If anyone is interested, I could go into the specifics of how life is adapting to the changing environment.

3 large-scale defense mechanisms used by American society

Splitting

Splitting occurs when an individual is incapable of seeing the coexistence of good and evil. When this happens, people/ groups of people are only capable of being seen as purely good, or purely evil.

How we use it:

In politics: "Either you're one of us or one of them."

"Those amoral liberals are hell-bent on running our nation into the ground."

"Those inbred conservatives are intentionally hindering the progress of our nation to serve their own selfish wants."

"All politicians are selfish and corrupt and cannot be trusted."

Projection

Projection occurs when a person subconsciously denies his own thoughts, attributes, emotions, etc. and 'projects' them on to somebody else.

How we use it:

"My boss/teacher hates me and thinks I'm incompetent."

"Islam inherently despises our culture and wants to destroy it."

"I don't want to call X, she doesn't want to talk to me. I can just tell."

Magical Thinking

Magical thinking is best described as superstition, or a skewed sense of causality. This defense mechanism is possibly the most pervasive in America, and the most unsettling to learn about.

How we use it

In science: We love our science. It cures cancer, puts men on the moon, and makes really big asplosions. We love our science because well, it's right! It uses the scientific method, which has no place for superstition or false beliefs. Right? Yes and no.

In school we learn about how everything is made of teeny, tiny bits of electrically chargedsomething called atoms. All atoms are made of the same three 'elements': Neutrons, protons, and electrons. Now, the neutrons and protons somehow magically stick together, and the electrons spin around the clump of protons and neutrons really really fast. And everything is made of these magical, unseen objects.

Right.

Now contrast that with the sooo obviously wrong theory of the four elements: that everything is made of different combinations of earth, fire, wind, and water.

Which one seems more plausible? The magical invisible balls of electricity, or the four elements that are easily observable by anyone with half a brain? Most people blindly accept atomic theory the same way people blindly accepted the four elements theory. Very very few individuals have been able to witness for themselves that atomic theory is accurate; most of us accept it on blind faith in the mystical "scientific method".

In medicine: A little-known North American tribe called the Narcirema engaged in extremely bizzare healing rituals. First, they believed that all diseases were caused by evil spirits that lived all around them that entered their body through the mouth, eyes, etc. First, the Elder Mothers would give a possessed tribe member a mystical drink known as "living waters" because of its effervescent properties and occasionally small bits of a magical tree bark called Livda Nirpsa. When this did not work, the possessed would be taken to a large, inter-tribal temple known as The Latipsoh. There the afflicted would be permitted to enter only if he had a good enough reputation with the money-exchangers. If not, no matter how sick or afflicted, he would not be allowed to enter. Once inside the Latipsoh, the tribe member would be given many intoxicating substances and forced to undergo torturous, sadistic cutting rituals in which 'good spirits' would be placed inside the body by Witch Doctors. Very few would survive the Narcirema healing rituals.

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That being said, I do believe that modern science is valid as a result of my own objective inquiries, but most people believe it the same way Native Americans believed in magical spirits.

5 things I love about BYU-I

Rexburg, Idaho

• It's in Idaho. ಠ_ಠ
• 17,527 residents
• 5.0 square miles
• Average temperature: 35°F
• Average wind speed: 14 knots. Rexburg literally blows.
• 98 % republican. This is a very 'unique' brand of conservatism. Yes that's a euphemism. (A group of schoolchildren brought honor to Rexburg by chanting "Assassinate Obama! Assassinate Obama!" on a school bus)
• 100% boring.

The Spirit of Ricks

Since the transition from a 2-year Junior College named Ricks College into the 4-year University named BYU-Idaho, a prevailing mission of the school was to preserve the 'unique atmosphere' found on campus. "Everybody's so friendly". "I feel like I can ask any question in class without feeling stupid." "My professors are really understanding and cut us a lot of slack." Now, I'm not one to speak above the accreditation agencies, but I question the academic rigor of a university that actively seeks to appear as a Junior College.

"But It's still a good school!!"

The No Shorts rule.

I just can't avert my lustful eyes from sexy knees.

I love High School

"My mom called and told me I got a 50 on my homework, but it was only one day late."

"Well I usually don't accept late work, but I gave you credit just this once."

"What?! Ugh oh my gosh."

"Oh my gosh, my mom signed me up for all the wrong classes!"- 22 year old Junior

"Now I don't mean to brag, but BYU-I has logged over 1200% more tutoring hours than BYU-

Provo, yet they usually say that Provo is better academically. Heheheh."- Professor

My response to the above situations

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False religious and political dogma

[learning about Church's stance on personal liberty and property rights] "And nowadays certain individuals who shall remain unnamed are trying to take away our rights to managing our own property by forcing us to get things like healthcare the way they want"

[super-leet science professor is explaining how evolution isn't against the Gospel to an angry Utah-rd] "Are you serious?! If evolution is true than we're no different from monkeys! And God said that mankind is different from all other animals!"

"Well, no, evolution doesn't say we evolved from mon-"

"If we're based off monkeys, we're basically monkeys."

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Added Bonus!

‎"Alright class, time for a quick anthropology lesson. What does the suffix 'ite' mean? Think about Israelite, Nephite, Bethlehemite..."

"Ohh like termite!"